.Michael martinez.

Why did I contribute to L2F?

 

I'm submitting to this website because I'm scared.

 

I'm scared to come out to people. I'm scared to say, ?Oh, by the way, I'm bisexual and transsexual, and then try to explain how, looking back, it's been pretty obvious since elementary school. I'm scared to see what they will do, what they will say, how they will treat me and think of me and look at me.

 

See, when I came out for the first time, I felt as though I was stepping from total darkness into the brilliant white light of truth. For a moment, I froze and stared into the infinite brightness and wondered if it would turn out as bad as it possibly could. There was nowhere for me to hide, except back in the closet, and I knew that that was no longer an option.

 

So I ran out into the light, waving my arms and screaming, DO YOU SEE ME? DO YOU SEE WHO I AM? THIS IS ME! THIS IS REAL!?

 

And no matter what I tell myself, it doesn't get any easier. I want to find the courage to tell all my friends, not just the hapless five who somehow ended up in the right place at the right time. I want to be able to look my parents in the eye and finally be completely honest with them. I want to put it on the internet, so finally there is no one left for me to tell, nothing left for me to explain, no more waiting for the bombs to fall and the truck to hit and the expectant crowd outside my closet door to spit in my face and leave.

 

I just want the world to know so I don't have to hide anymore.

 

 

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